Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

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Cajun Spice Ruffles

The apotheosis of 80s food. Completely unplaceable taste, probably loads of MSG under the un-yon and the cay-jun. This chip has been unequaled in the history of chips. Possibly vaguely chemical tasting, perhaps it was the ridges. The only dip these bad boys ever needed was your open salivating mouth. Savory goodness. Cobags need not apply.

Verdict on chips: Delicious

Verdict on corporate group think and malfeasance, leading to the discontinuation of this flavor: Disgusting.

Here is a useful list of nine hundred chips– please pick your local favorites in comments for the Uncanny Canadian to review.

Oh LORDY ALMIGHTY

Hmm, intriguing. Johnny’s French Dip Au Jus concentrate. Now, in the pantheon of beefy sandwiches, a bad Italian Beef is much worse than a bad French Dip. See, dry flavorless Italian Beef is not improved by defective, usually on the bland side natural gravy. Now, a perfect Italian Beef is amazing, however different than a perfect French Dip. I cannot compare them because I have not yet been to the temple of French Dip. I have had amazing Italian Beef, however it certainly wasn’t at Portillos, and shame on yous for picking the chain over some crazy local place like Rodeo Reds home of the best fresh-cut fries in existence, and more importantly purveyor of a presumed delicious Beef and Sausage combo. A bad French Dip, or dry beef can be rescued by crusty French bread, judicious application of horseradish and delightful dipping sauce, even if overly salty. Could this be the real deal?
Here’s how it went down. Actually it has now gone down like this four times. Regular italian roll, decent grocery store roast beef. INTO THE BROILER YOU GO- OPEN FACED. Just to warm up and get a little crusty. Onto the stove goes 1 part Johnny’s 2-3 parts water. Simmer simmer 5 minitos. Sandwich rescued for oven, clammed up, sliced on the diagonal, straight across would be blashpemy, this cobag is getting DIPPED. Dip, eat.

Verdict: Delicious.

Get it here, if they have it not in your hellish neighborhood. Seriously there are 500 ingredients on the back, it’s not just beef stock. It’s manna from heaven. I’m also massively intrigued because they have this too. I’m getting some.

“Italian Beef and Sausage Combo”

UPDATE: we wish to dispel the notion that we are against Chicago-style Italian Beef and Sausage combos. We are not. We LOVE them, especially when the sausage is grilled and bissected along the A-P axis. And with yummy giardinera.

Please do not attempt this at home, cobaggeroos. We have previously discussed this item here. Additionally, Three Bulls! Bay Area™ will have a RUN TO THE BEEF scheduled in January. However, there is on particular establishment that we will NOT be patronizing. And before Fulsome gets his panties in a bunch, he needs to read on. Why? Let us investigate:
Geenie C. was driving back from an errand in Sactown and she was so delightful as to try an establishment we had been casing for RTTB and bring Three Bulls! some take-out. Ok, first off the bun is correct. Excellent. Natural gravy on the side (think French Dip au jus, but not boulliony, beefy with Italian spices)- check, but how does it taste? Later. Hmm, we ordered the Beef and Sausage combo, where is our presumably grilled Italian Sausage. Let’s part the not very juicy beef (DANGER)…
And nestled within thin shaved slices of beef is…a gray, deoxygenated schlong of a quote unquote boiled sausage? What is this, a Jim Thome special safely tucked into a manger of beef? How the hell was that thing cooked, a lukewarm tongue bath? Seriously, this thing looks quite off, like somebody with food poisoning in their wiener. Let’s just say the excitement level is dropping fast. Luckily, I have the disgusting habit of tearing my food into pieces before I eat it. Lo and f***ing behold, friends:

Real live man meat is a warmer temperature than this sausage ever was. Funny think is my my awesome food photography makes the rest of the sandwich look yummy. Compare with professional:
Let’s give UC a close-up of the beef. This picture makes it look 10 times juicier than it actually was.
Doesn’t that pepper look awesome? Yeah, it does look awesome. Kids, what does this look like to you?
Verdict: Disgusting, and you know it breaks my heart to denigrate beef and pork togetherness like that.

Item – Mountain Dew Pitch Black II


You’ve got to be kidding, right? Part II: Back with a sour bite?

One look at this in the grocery store and Adorable Girlfriend and I realized that we finally found the one item that would qualify as a strong and resounding disgusting. Finally, I’ve waited so long to find something truly disgusting that I could contribute to D or D.

But wait …. I actually tried it to be sure, and the results surprised me. Grape soda pop on its own is a kind of childhood-acquired taste. You like it because you liked it as a kid when you had that Grape Fanta, even though it was terribly sweet and your parents told you that it would rot out your teeth. As you mature, the taste for things that sweet kind of diminishes. But never goes away. So here I am drinking my first grape pop in several years, anticipating with glee the waves of disgusting, and it’s not disgusting. Goddammit! The sour but not too sour aftertaste cuts into the sweetness and gives it the slightest edge. Sure it looks disgusting, but so does borscht, and that’s delicious. I can’t help it, honest …

Verdict: Delicious

Item – Ketchup Flavoured Potato Chips

This Delicious or Disgusting is for Geenie C, who falls on the righteous side of the debate. First of all, the delicious kinds are these suckers:The story begins as follows: Once upon a time, Hostess used to make potato chips in Canada. And Canadians loved their potato chips and grew an increasingly diverse and adventurous pallette. Flavours like sour cream and bacon, dill pickle, pizza, and ketchup chips abounded. Eventually, Frito-Lay bought out the chip-making division and started distributing Hostess chips as their own, and some of these esoteric flavours made their way to the U.S. Today, many of the best flavours are no longer sold in Canada or the U.S., but ketchup chips persisted.

Why ketchup? First of all, North Americans love ketchup and universally apply to it to their foods. Secondly, many North Americans love the flavour of vinegar with potato-derived products, and Lays Ketchup chips certainly have ample vinegary overtones. It isn’t really zesty, but it cuts into the sweetness, and merges beautifully with the saltiness. Imagine, if you will, a barbecue flavour, without the smokiness but all the tang. Still delicious and different.

Recently, on an excursion to find the best Banh Mi in Boston, I came across these ketchup chips in a small Vietnamese place in Dorchester called Ba Le:
Imagine my hopefulness at finding a brand of ketchup chips here in the U.S., and they sound delicious right? Big ruffles and real Heinz-flavoured ketchup. Well, the shocking thing is that they aren’t really delicious. They’re not disgusting by any means – I mean even liver and onions potato chips would have a certain appeal – but they were just kind of sweet and tomatoe-y and not savoury. I imagine that a light sprinkling of dried vinegar would save them and some, but in the mean time, I shan’t be purchasing them any more. Shame since the good kind of ketchup chips on their own are ….

Verdict – delicious

Thanksgiving Classics™

1) Turkey

Take it or leave it. It’s possible I have had some dry ones in my past. No comment.
Verdict: push.

2) Gravy
Verdict: Disgusting.

3) Stuffing in the turkey
Verdict: Disgusting.

4) Stuffing outside the turkey
Verdict: Disgusting (except the non mushy parts on the outside, those are good).

5) Mashed potatoes
Verdict: Disgusting.

6) Sweet potatoes
Verdict: Disgusting.

7) Mac and cheese
Verdict: Disgusting.

8) Rolls
Verdict: Delicious

9) Yams
Verdict: Disgusting.

10) Squash
Verdict: Disgusting.

11) Cheesy green beans
Verdict: Disgusting.

12) Green bean casserole
Verdict: Disgusting.

12b) The little greasy Durkee French Fried Onions that top (12)
Verdict: Disgusting but yummy.

13) Pumpkin Pie
Verdict: Disgusting.

14) Brussel Sprouts
Verdict: Disgusting (except Pinko Mommo has identified a recipe that makes them taste OK- solution: pancetta (fancy bacon, cobags)

14b) Ineveitable Brussel Sprouts farts
Verdict: Disgusting.

15) Apple pie
Verdict: Disgusting.

16) Egg nog
Verdict: Disgusting [wrong holiday -Ed.]

17) Ham
Verdict: Delicious

18) Thinking of your loved ones, family, friends and internet peeps
Verdict: Delicious.

From the Seitzwagon in the Midwest, to Pop Ren, Fulsome, teh l4m3 rocking it Cali style (Chester too), Geenie C., res pub shit-kicking it in Texas, AG and Uncanny in a tree, mdhat, Braddie R, Notgavin NotM rolling East Coast style, Auguste in the Pac northwest, Guiness Guy, Iggie (we miss you), Jedmundo, Gregor keepin’ it real in AZ, Yosef bobin’ an’ weavin’ NC, and everyone we forget here but not in our black black hearts, please have a delightful holiday, regardless of how disgusting everything is. Please consider this a thread for your holiday thoughts and wishes, and if we forgot you, pipe up here and let everyone know you are alright, and which part of the country you are holding down the fort in, OK?

Best of Jackson, WY restaurants

Tucked away in the perfect little ski town of Jackson, WY are restaurants that give a new meaning to the notion of ‘sweet perfection’. With limited time and space, the best of the best includes:

Billy’s

Billy’s is a retro nineteen fifties-esque diner that has it going on. You sit shoulder-to-shoulder on the old fashion soda counter stools and watch the show. The men who work the griddle are southern vagabond, recent college graduates, with more humor than anyone knows what to do with who can flip a mean burger. These astute grill practioners are masters of the meat and doctors of the waffle fries. You are background to the lives of men who make the biggest and juiciest half-pounder that is ever so lovingly placed on a bun with iceberg lettuce and tomato.

Dr. Uncanny Canadian and Ms. Uncanny American (aka Adorable Girlfriend) shared a perfect burger on both visits. And there was no shame in that. The abundant burger was split in half where both parties were served fries in their own basket and all for the price of less than $7.00. I challenge you to find a bargain like that elsewhere. Now that’s good stuff, fellow fans.

There is no shortage of quaint drama in this unassuming diner. There are handwritten rules posted on the wall. Now normally the Uncanny One is OK with rules and Ms. American Liberal is pitching a fit. Yet, diplomatic relations were achieved on these policies. For instance, lucky #30: no cell phone use at the counter. And the pretty persuasion of the female form that dared to use her cell phone got heckled by the grill masters and the other counter customers until she finally acquiesced. As did the woman who tried to order her burger rare. That would be rule #19.

While the food is flawless on its own and hardly needs accompaniment at all, it is really all about the classic rock in the speakers that serenades you. And it’s not just some Led Zeppelin or Doors saturating the diner, it is also a platform from which the grill masters quiz you. You need to bone up on your greatest guitar player ever, be able to name all four Doors members and know what year any specific Who song was written before you dine. However, do not fret if you do not know, it is likely neither does the guy next to you. It is just all part of the experience that makes Billy’s, well Billy’s. Ms. American informed Canadian that she would leave him for Billy at any moment upon exiting the second experience of the closest thing a Jewish girl can coin, “heaven”.

The Bunnery

The Bunnery is a no-frills bakery also in downtown Jackson. There are only two things you need to be aware of: the double c’s: carrot cake and clam chowder. We have already given you chowder advice, so the focus is on the cake today. The little slice of holiness you dine upon is bigger than Boss Hog’s gut and moister than the basement of a ranch in Louisiana. Put simply, Bunnery carrot cake is divine perfection. It needs no introduction or long diatribe. Had it been baking in the oven when Dante penned The Inferno it would have been noted in the gluttony sub-section. In fact, Adorable Girlfriend insisted it was so decadent that she had it at 9 AM on her birthday this year. Now that is a good piece of cake …

Verdict: Super duper delicious!

Item-Gilbert’s Chowder House’s clam chowder

Bostonians sometimes forget that the realm of New England clam chowder can extend outside of the hub. For an authentic meal in a no frills, no messin’-around locale, head to Gilbert’s Chowder House in Portland, ME. Belly up to the Formica countertop to be waited on by a local. There is a myriad of chowders to sample ranging from the infamous clam to seafood to fish chowder.

It’s not all chowder power. You can sample a delectable lobster roll on bread that tastes like it has been marinating in butter since last summer or a crab roll that melts in your mouth not in your hands. You know: a local crab died for your dining pleasure, but let’s face it folks – that’s what keeps everyone coming back for more. And if you have your eyes on the prize, you can sample an authentic perfectly steamed Maine lobster to go with the vat of drawn butter that the wait staff brings with a smile.

Commercial Street in Portland welcomes customers to this reasonably priced charming little diamond in the rough.

The Last Bit of Onion Ring

BEHOLD! The leaning tower of oniony wiener! Bow down! BOW DOWN!

Well kids, I’m not talking about the last bite of onion ring, I’m talking about the hours later bit that you retrieve with this:


Need I really say more?

Verdict: Absolutely disgusting.

PS. I wanna marry Glide floss.

Miami Subs Super Burger

The Miami Subs chain is controversial. Some say “they’re gross”. Some say their South Florida pastels “hurt the eye”. What does Three Bulls! say about the Miami Subs Super Burger? At first we were wary of getting a burger at a supposed sub joint. But our fears were dismissed as we saw them put that 5 oz fatty patty through the conveyor belt oven. Basically what was generated was a flame-broiled fast food burger that tasted like that, not like they sprayed on “grill flavor” (I’m looking at you, self proclaimed Burger Monarch). What comes on it? Lettuce, tomato, onion and mayo on the perfect soft, flour-topped bun. Those are our fave burger toppings. Three Bulls, in another controversial move, loves mayo on burgers. This was actually an awesome burger for what it was. I realize some of you snobs out there would think otherwise. Too bad.

Verdict: Delicious

PS, we just found out why: a Miami Subs Deluxe burger has 59g of fat and has over 750 calories. That is not a lean burger. That’s getting into the monster thickburger category, except these don’t taste like a soggy sponge.