Monthly Archive for September, 2006

Blue Girl Cocktail

A million years ago, I thought I’d create delicious drink combinations for all my internet friends, acquaintances, passerbys, hangers on, trolls, spammers, whomever would care to have something created for them. I didn’t do it. I never do anything. Now this blog can barely stay above water. Apparently nothing in this world is Delicious or Disgusting.

Well, be prepared for something delicious. Now, some people will try to act all masculine and claim the Blue Girl cocktail isn’t manly, or perhaps it’s “too sweet” (because they’re “too silly” to “appreciate” “anything good” even if it “bit” them in their “hating ass”). No no no no no NO. It is delicious. It is the Blue Girl Cocktail!

Glass. Ice to brim (natch). 1 to 1.5 (Blue! How could you!) parts Stolichnaya Peachik (Peach) Vodka. (Marketing note, appreciated by Blue Girl, this vodka used to be called “Stoli Persik,” presumably Russian or fake Russian for peach, over a picture of HUGE peaches over Words That Spell Out “RUSSIAN PEACH FLAVORED VODKA”, on top of that, the “Persik” was in cursive, just like “Stoli” so it was more like “foreign writing for atmosphere, noone will read anyway, there’s a big picture”). Now this stupid, yummy vodka is “Peachik,” in the same bottle, with the same label and same words. Welcome to stupid America, population stupid Americans. A new level of fake-fake Russian was invented. There are probably other reasons your product isn’t selling. IT’S NOT AVAILABLE IN MANY STATES. Anyhoo, this was obtained for your web log staff by yourpirateoverlord, making a real world appearance. Like we said, 1-2 parts Peach vodka, 1 entire POUCH Capri Sun Pacific Cooler, the Cooler the cooler kids drink who’s smart mom’s know that cooler kids love, buy the mongo pack at Costco. Lime wedge, lazily squeezed, for garnish, mix with handy-dandy Capri Sun straw (don’t poke yourself, use good straw technique).

Verdict: Delish, natch! Pshaw!

This Particular Crenshaw Melon

As the centerpiece of a delightfully old fashioned and crusty hate-bake tasting course, this melon deserves its own post, seeing how it will send your colon postal, having been smited. I love melon. One of the only good things about University de Suck is its proximity to the reasonably priced frou-frou-fruit and vegetable market. They always have different kinds of melon, with ripe ones marked accurately with stickers that say “Ripe” and usually mean “Ripe” not “Rotten” nor “Unripe.” Well, we usually pick us some delicious Honeydew, and some other sort of thing, usually something cantaloupey but less fart or sock, more floral. GC thinks some melons are fart melons, as they smell “farty.” So these other melons are usually acceptable. Yesterday, they had some GIGANTIC Crenshaw melons on sale, and they had a nice, ripe one sliced in half. We bought it. After an appropriate 24 hours of refrigeration for optimal chilling, I rendered the melon into cuboidal shapes with steely precision. These are large melons, and I ate quite a bit of it while carving its tender, orange flesh. I also gave GC a bite, as it tasted quite good and wasn’t very fart, or sock. Within two minutes all participants in the Crenshaw melon tasting extravaganza (me, about a half pound of melon; GC, one bite) were practically doubled over with having been smitedness. It was then we learned that you can’t serve This Particular Melon™ to just any company.

Taste: Delicious

Other Aspects: Disgusting

Seriously, what is up with this melon?

I will do the N=2 experiment tomorrow night. Maybe per can join me,