Monthly Archive for July, 2010

Fish Avalanche-Assorted

fish sends in:

DATA DUMP EDITION [PP adds that we thank fish for providing]

Here I am doing the work so you don’t have to.

Mountain Dew recently released 3 new flavors for me to poop on for people to vote on.

I have secured all forms and rate them thus:

Mountain Dew Distortion (http://www.bevreview.com/2010/04/26/mountain-dew-distortion/)- I bought this thinking the bottle was green.

I was wrong.

Remember when your mom bought store-brand lemon-lime soda and swore it was just as good as Sprite? It had a highly unnatural green color, tasted nothing like lime, and had a disturbing effect on your vision and hearing?

This isn’t as good as that.

Mountain Dew Typhoon (http://www.bevreview.com/2010/05/04/mountain-dew-typhoon/)- This is a stealth beverage. Pepsico is pretending this is not Mountain Dew Game Fuel (http://www.mountaindewgamefuel.com/). It is. That said, it is a completely artificial, over-sweet fruit punchy sugar and caffeine concoction.

I love it.

Mountain Dew White Out (http://www.bevreview.com/2010/04/28/mountain-dew-white-out/)- As a kid I loved Fresca. I loved grapefruit flavored soda, even when it was sweetened with ass-tastic saccharine. A whole new world opened up when a buddy of mine introduced me to Squirt (http://www.drpeppersnapplegroup.com/brands/squirt/), which had real sugary goodness to add to my love of grapefruit soda (as an aside, Googling “Squirt” at work; not recommended). Think of the anticipatory joy I experienced when I learned not only could I have the beloved sugar, but CAFFEINE too! Alas, white out was apparently a reference to what they did to the flavor. It is like eating the white chocolate skittles, not offensive, but you are forgetting what you are doing as you are doing it.

Final recommendation: Go find a reserve cache of Mountain Dew Pitch Black (http://www.bevreview.com/2004/08/23/review-mountain-dew-pitch-black/)

Now on to candy:

Reese’s Whipps (http://www.candybarlab.com/2008/02/09/review-reeses-whipps/)- As a lover of everything peanut butter, I thought this would be totally awesome. A light as air peanut butter center inside a chocolate covering. Little did I know this was a 3 Musketeers trojan horse. If you do a cross-section of the candy bar, you can see 3 thin layers of peanut butter around a typical offensive 3M center. Total BS. DO NOT EAT!

Coconut M&M’s (http://www.mms.com/us/about/products/coconutmms/) – I do not like coconut, so I outsourced evaluation to Dr. Mrs. fish, who (to my horror) shared them with several of her friends. Universal reaction= WOOOHOOO!!!!!! Humena humena humena AAAAAAOOOOGGGGAAAAAA!!!!! [PP adds- no real coconut at all, but I love them too. For shame Kathleen.]

I think that is a yes.

Milky Way Simply Caramel (http://foodbizdaily.com/articles/93416-product-milky-way-simply-caramel-bar-by-mars-snackfood.aspx)- The only flaw with a Milky Way? Too much of the offensive 3M center. So what to do? ELIMINATE ALL OF IT!!!! Discovering the Milky Way Simply Caramel is a bit like discovering masturbation. I will be returning to it again as soon as possible…