BIAS DETECTED. For our readership with the ability to not have their tastebuds concern trolled:
Tis the season to make PP rend his garments in anguish and to make Jennifer force gustatory horrors on her family in the name of SCIENCE.
As every true Trader Joe’s fanatic knows, the holiday season is the best time of year at TJ’s. Just walking past the imported Belgian chocolate and cranberry caramel popcorn adds 500 calories to your daily diet. So I will review some of the new findings just to make GC drive from Honeybun to St. Louis on an obsessive trip to the nearest Trader Joe’s.
1) Trader Joes Eggnog Almonds (http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/article.asp?article_id=357)
I ate one of these and immediately hated it. So I ate another. I hated that one too. I ate another [ad infinitum] until they were gone. Trainspotting for suburbanites. Do not eat as they bring only shame in the morning.
2) Trader Joe’s Cocoa Almond Spread (http://cooktj.com/content/cocoa-almond-spread)
Is it an iPhone Nutella slayer? No. Does it make your toes curl a bit? Yes. Is there a way to knock yourself unconscious with pleasure using this? See below.
3) Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter (http://blisstree.com/eat/nutrition/trader-joes-cookie-butter-nutrition-facts-539/)
This is a big hit in the fish house, although on its own, I am not the biggest lover of it. Imagine turning a gingerbread man into butter and spreading it on your toast. That is what this tastes like. However, if you take a McVities Digestive and spread both the Cocoa Almond Spread and the Cookie Butter on it, I cannot be held responsible for the results (http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01157/SNN0537C–380_1157831a.jpg).
4) Trader Joe’s Astounding Multi-Flavored Joe Joes (http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/article.asp?article_id=363)
This is really four reviews in one. You open the box and there are four sleeves of cookies inside.
The first contains chocolate flavored Joe Joes covered in chocolate and crushed peppermint candy canes. Several in the fish house hold these in high regards. That is because they are insane. Unless the thought of chocolate toothpaste is appealing to you, I can see no reason to mix chocolate and peppermint. Blech. I will not entertain arguments on this. If you disagree, you are insane.
The second sleeve contains chocolate flavored Joe Joes with peanut butter filling dipped in chocolate. I am a HUGE lover of chocolate and peanut butter as a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups obsession nearly ended my life, but these are just okay. I would eat the whole box if they where the only option, but thankfully there are better choices.
The third sleeve contained chocolate flavored Joe Joes with chocolate filling and covered with chocolate. These are in the OMG CHOCOLATE I LOVE YOU TRADER JOE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE category. In other words, yeah pretty good.
The final sleeve had ginger flavored Joe Joes dipped in white chocolate and topped with candied ginger. When I imagine Jesus in the desert being tempted by Satan, I see Satan sitting in a lounge chair watching the Bears lose to Denver while casually munching on these cookies. His ability to resist these cookies is proof that he really was the son of god.