Item – Chewy Chips Ahoy!

I must say that I’m not usually a fan of store-bought chocolate chip cookies. There are a few excellent brands, President’s Choice decadent and Trader Joe’s crispy mini cookies come to mind, but I wasn’t too thrilled at the prospect of a cookie from a box. Then again, one of my majour issues with boxed cookies is staleness and I have to give the fine people at Nabisco tonnes of credit for creating a very kewl resealable snacking box. However, these cookies were horrible. They had the consistency of plasticine and the taste of, well, plasticine. I can deal with chewy cookies when they are maybe soft and warm, but these made me gag. The chocolate chips themselves were pedestrian at best and there was no good buttery or vanilla flavouring. I would rather eat a bottle cap any day of the week than one of these puppies.

Verdict: Disgusting


Something must be in the water at Chips Ahoy. Recently they have released a snack machine item (you know we canvas the machine daily for new degradation)- “Mini Chips Ahoy- Now “Better tasting””

Of course makes one go “hmmm”- sicne Chips Ahoy have been on the market for a thousand years and have always tasted like Chips Ahoy, it seems the best way to make them “mini” is to either 1) use less dough when baking them or 2) create a fantastical machine to perfectly miniaturize existing normal size Chips Ahoy. Surprisingly, Chips Ahoy have taken a third, unforseen road. And that is to use a combination of flavorless sawdust and sand. Here’s a clue: make them taste like Chips Ahoy, for good or ill, that’s the brand you are leveraging, not sawdust.

Cookie Jesus is crying.

Verdict: Doubly disgusting

17 Responses to “Item – Chewy Chips Ahoy!”

  • Cobag americans think they like chewy cookies i.e. chewy cookies straight from the oven- yeah, those are good. but cookies made chewy due to chemical crap- those are never ever good. EVER. Three Bulls! declares fatwa against chewy cookies.

    REmember people, UC would eat a bottle cap. but not these cookies. That’s how bad they are. Even yummy Pepperidge Farm makes a disgusting “soft baked” cookie. “Soft Baked” has to be in quotes even on the box. They aren’t baked they are formed out of stool samples.


  • Kids, do NOT do your homework tonight. I repeat, no homework. The world is ending. UC has declared a food product disgusting. The world has gone mad. Mad.

  • And cookies are not puppies, UC. However, puppies eat cookies.

  • Chewy=Cookie
    Get it right Co-BAGS!! It’s not a cookie unless it is soft and or chewy. Of course I’m not a fan of store bought cookies but even if a homemade one turns crispy it was overcooked BIG TIME!

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Mmmmm, overcooked cookie. That is so yummy when you start to get a little caramelization from the molasses in the cookie dough, yet the chocolate chips are still hot and gooey.

    GC, I think you’re wrong about cookies. Biscuits are just the way that English doughboys say cookies. According to the Americian Heritage Dictionary cookies are “A small, usually flat and crisp cake made from sweetened dough”. Note crisp. Like yummy and crispy and crunchy.

  • What kind of nerd looks up ‘cookie’ in the dictionary?

  • An awesome one.

    UC, the nice touch there would have been “N.B. the use of the word crisp”

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Don’t you think copying a definiton from the dictionary is pedantic enough? I didn’t want to make sweet Geenie C cry or anything.

  • What the hell does a dictionary know about cookies? A dictionary never ate one.

  • No, but I bet if you gave UC the opportunity, he’d probably eat a dictionary and deem it “delish”.

  • I feel like I should interrupt this love fest. That was over three days ago.

    GC is totally right. Only in strange foreign countries are cookies crisp. The only reason they overcook cookies everywhere is because foreigners refuse to bow to American supremacy in the culinary arts. Cookies shoud be chewy and warm straight from the oven. Never hard from the oven.

    The only store bought cookies I will ever and always defend are Frosted Animal Crackers in the pink sack. God, I love those. Sweet memories of love in high school and then refound love in college. I introduced fulsome to the glory that is the Frosted Animal Cracker and he still owes me for that.

  • Chickles I always knew you and I had some kind of connection, some soft cookie connection

  • HAHAHA I called you Chickles! I just cracked myself up!

  • My cousin loves those cookies from the pink bag too. What is it about them that makes them so decadent?

    Geenie, you are too much!

  • Those cookies are covered in shortening. Three of them is like half a pint of ben and jerry’s. Go ahead eat the whole bag, you are goign to die.

    Listen Chuckles, don’t be a (can’t be) morong, of course cookies should be warm and soft FROM THE OVEN. It is after 10 months on the shelf that we are talking about.

  • Thanks AG, I thought that was an ironic typo!

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