Skittles Chocolate Mix

Fish sends us a vending machine adventure. I encourage him to bring these to his next lab meeting for the punishment of Dr. Yin and Dr. Yang.

Fish writes:

New! Skittles Chocolate Mix:

[PP adds: I have obtained these as well, and shall follow along]

There is a vending machine outside my office. I love
that vending machine. Recently the machine contained
something strange and new. It contained these:

chocolate_skittles_mix.jpg

Confused by the apparent paradox that these little
candies represented (chocolate candies are a
non-overlapping set with jelly beany candies), I had
to try them. How bad could they be.

Right?

So there are 5 flavors included in the bag. I will
discuss them individually.

1) Vanilla: You might ask why a bag of candy labeled
“Chocolate Mix” would have vanilla as one of the
flavors. Vanilla is, after all, not chocolate. In
fact, it could be considered not-chocolate, the very
essence of anti-chocolate. Just one more koan
represented by this product. The candies were white,
and when I ate them, it was if I was eating a crunchy,
chewy, nothing. They were completely neutral in
flavor. No hint of any commitment to flavor at all. It
was like you were chewing Switzerland, without the
great skiing.

[PP adds: more disgusting than nothing, but I can somehow see myself forgetting and eating another one]

2) S’mores: It is difficult to wrap your head around
the concept of graham cracker, marshmallow and
chocolate flavors all swirled into a chewy candy. It
is also difficult for the army of chemists at Mars
Snack Foods Inc., for none of those particular flavors
are present in this light-brown colored candy. Its
flavor compares favorably to licking someone’s butt,
but doesn’t fare quite so well in comparisons to say,
food.

[PP adds: Agreed. I’m beginning to regret this “eat along with Fish” exercise]

3) Chocolate Caramel: These were the best tasting
candies in the bag. This is much like saying Jonah
Goldberg is the smartest writer at NRO.

[PP adds: Agreed, OK yet somehow plasticky in a way you never notice with ultra-fake fruity flavors]

4) Chocolate Pudding: I can’t believe I put those in
my mouth. As a side note, I can say with a high degree
of certainty that I have said that sentence way
too many times in my life.

[PP adds: these might be good, or maybe the plasticky poison nanobots have reached my brain]

5) Brownie Batter: If you see me eating any of these,
shoot me, because I have rabies.

[PP adds: I’m going to murder Fish. The problem is not the taste of the flavoring, which you can isolate in the aftertaste (good job, food scientists), it is the burnt plastic taste of the actual Skittle portion. I will somehow finish the entire bag. And I will buy some for UC!!]

25 Responses to “Skittles Chocolate Mix”


  • chocolate candies are a
    non-overlapping set with jelly beany candies

    Grizzled is a fan of what he calls “plastic chocolate” so I think chocolate and a jelly-beany candy can indeed overlap. What is a Tootsie Roll after all if not some plastic chocolate? While I think I would hate these, I’m guessing Grizzled would wolf a pack in no time flat. I expect to find empty Chocolate Skittles Mix wrappers in the car very soon.

    I have to add, I never realized that was a butt-licking quotient for candy.

  • Tootsie Rolls are organic. Chocolate skittles seem like they are some petroleum based product.

  • Tootsie rolls seem silicon based to my tongue. More like a roll-up than a jellybean.

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    I love all Tootsie varietals. Aren’t they some kind of root vegetable? No?

    The Skittles sound disgusting. Even amongst Jelly Belly’s, I struggle with many of the cacao-derivative flavours. I can imagine the smores combination of Jelly Belly’s, and it would probably be OK, but the Skittles version doesn’t sound appealing. I also really hate when vanilla does not taste like vanilla. Vanilla is not the absence of chocolate – it is a delicious and distinctive extract.

    I’ll try them, but I probably won’t like them.

  • I may have slighted the Tootsie inadvertently. They are, in fact, chewy and chocolate, although decidedly not jelly beany. They are also much loved by me. Chocolate Skittles on-the-other-hand, are an abomination against man and against god.
    I am going to go buy another bag.

  • Seriously, the choc Skittles are the worst candy I have ever had. I think UC would eat a bag of bottle caps first.

  • Pinko- do not diss petro-chemical treats! They have a place in this world and in our gullets! I for one, must confess to a love/hate relationship with the Circus Peanut. I’ll even go so far as to say that I’ve had times when I’ve craved a Little Debbie Banana Flip snack cake and I know that a real banana was never anywhere near it.

    Chocolate Skittles on-the-other-hand, are an abomination against man and against god.
    I am going to go buy another bag.

    LOL

    I’m going to have to hunt some down to see if they are indeed as heinous as this post implies. Wait, it doesn’t imply, it comes right out and trashes them.

  • this post and thread is an expanded version of the “ugh, smell how disgusting this is!” phenomenom.

  • Kathleen- too bad that Cloverhill, Cloverdale Cinnamon Bun wasn’t a little more rank and a little less meh. We’d all be rushing out to score one just to see how disgusted we could be.

    Maybe Pinko should have a sub-category… Delicious or Meh.

  • I’m just proud that I could be part of the internet version.

  • I love all Tootsie varietals. Aren’t they some kind of root vegetable? No?

    No, UC, those are Rootsies and are made from an extract of the yucca plant. They are about as popular as the strawberry-yoghurt covered pretzel version of a Take 5 bar.

  • Tootsie rolls are where taffy and chocolate overlap. Chocolately, and especially s’moresy, jelly beans could conceivably be delicious, but burnt plasticy jb’s are right out.

  • Not true, tigrismus,

    You have been tasked at 3B to eat some of these in your status as 3B pledge.

  • I have been unable to find these chocolate “Skittles” and am starting to believe fish constructed them on a sound stage in the desert. I have done my best to play along, however, so, instead of eating a bag of these I stuck a piece of a Zagnut bar in my nose.

    Delicious and energizing!

  • Just got confirmation they are available in the parts of the US where ALL OF YOU ARE. GET THEM AND SUFFER

  • Can’t make me! Neener!

    Woohoo, what a rush!

  • Sheesh, trigrismus, what’s next? Murdering people for the thrill of it????

    You had better check yourself, before the inevitable wreckage!

  • Now I have become Death, destroyer of taste buds.

  • I have to work my way up to that. I’m currently almost up to “purposefully not dotting an ‘i’ on a legal document”. At this rate it’ll take me a couple years to get to “breaking speed limit laws by 1-5 mph”, and a couple decades to get to “cheating on taxes”. A girl’s got to have goals, though!

  • This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation and we’re going to ruin people’s lives over it and we’re going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time. You know, these people are being fired at every day. I’m talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release? You ever heard of need to blow some steam off?
    EAT THEM!!!

  • It’s like they’re little petro-pod beans, who take over the will of those who eat them, and then those people get others to eat them….

    GET OUT!! THE JELLY BEANS ARE COMING FROM…

    Well that’s just silly, isn’t it.

    Invasion of the Skittle People?

  • Billy, why are you looking at us that way? Stop it. Billy, I’m serious. Billy….

  • Since Skittles are gross (and have a gross, slightly coprophilic name), so I don’t know why you’d be surprised that Skittles with a different set of chemical additives would be any less gross. The internal consistency of Skittles is like some sort of horrible styrofoam from neptune. It’s nothing like a delicious Jelly Belly. NOTHING!!!!

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Res, the joy is not that they’re gross. It’s how gross they are. Chocolate skittles are epic on a level that has no hyperbole powerful enough. They are the infinitive of gross.

  • In an attempt to strike back at Chocolate flavored skittles, there are now Wild Cherry M&M’s (I saw them advertised in a Shopko ad I just got in the mail). I may buy some this weekend.

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