Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers

Listen, after Durian fruit (unspeakable) and Chocoloate Mix Skittles debacles, we went in the other direction. You might think that the only successful spin-off Whoppers could come up with would be some sort of “Just The Insides!™” malt-balls, without the disgusting ultra-wax coating. Never mind that, we still like Whoppers, even though they lack any visible wick and therefore are poor candles.

Well, malted milk and fake strawberry seem like they should go well together while improving on the Whoppers experience by not trying to fake chocolate. The end result being Whopper chocolate>waxy wax waxy wax wax>Whopper fake strawberry. Kind of good.

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7 Responses to “Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers”


  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Unbelieavable – I was just about to do these. I mean in 1.5 years or so, but I had them for the first time in the Philly area a couple of months ago. They are indeed not disgusting. The strawberry flavour is a little too Nestle Quik for me, but they have good addictive qualities. And since the texture is fake, it works that the flavour is exactly equally fake. I could pound these down and have really bad self-esteem for doing so if I ever bought them again.

  • The strawberry flavour is a little too Nestle Quik for me,

    I have no idea what this sentence means. And it isn’t just the peculiar “flavour”.

  • Poor, UC, he means Strawberry Nestle Quik.

  • Yet another delicious or disgusting impulse buy. I was buying film and the Walgreen’s had a special stand of these. I found myself grabbing a box before my total could be tallied.

    I’m now keeping a separate category in my Quiken… “Things Pinko Made Me Buy”. 🙂

    Anyhow… the final results? Not bad. A little too sweet for my taste, but I like fake strawberry flavor (flavour) so that didn’t set me off. They were still plenty “malty”. They did indeed have that Strawberry Nestle Quik flavor to them and for a moment I thought this might be an “in conjunction with” product, but no… it was merely Whopper’s.

    Grizzled’s take was “Mmm. Not bad. Much better than Chocolate Skittles. Are there more?”

  • That should have been “Quicken”… now that doesn’t look right either. That looks like some microwavable chicken-food product.

  • The incredible sweetness is enough to keep me from eating the whole box at once. I find four at a time are optimal. And way less waxy than usual whoppers, which I fear means they will be discontinued. Assholes.

  • It’s just candy you fucking faggots. Stop being a little bitch, you make us cry at night.

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