Burger King Ketchup And Fries Potato Snack-FISH VERSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fish brings us his take unknowing on UC’s primal ketchup chip territory.

There I was, minding my own business, strolling down the hallway past the vending machine, when I saw these. This is just the kind of junk food throwdown that I cannot ignore, so I dropped in the $0.60 needed to satisfy the jones for a bag-o-fries I didn’t know I had (if only they had the Flame Broiled Burger flavor in my machine). The bag was nearly ethereal when I picked it up, weighing nary an ounce. The front of the package contained the now famous saying “Have it Your Way.” All I could think was that this was being uttered by evil, bearded-Spock, because I believe this bag is the embodiment of anti-my way. But I soldiered on for science and the greater good.

I opened the bag.

I reeled back in horror.

I regained consciousness.

The smell of ketchup was stunning in both is emotional and physical impact. This was not a natural experience. I was not smelling the feet of god, it was of someone a bit more sinister. Perhaps Mike Huckabee.

I took out one of the “snacks” and had a closer look. It was a flat light tan rectangle, with a fine powder over it. The color of this power was red, but not in a way that evoked fond memories of dipping French fries in Heinz as you sat in a Burger King laughing it up with your high school buddies, but more like the red you see in the Kleenex after you gave yourself a bloody nose by jamming your finger up it one too many times.

I braced myself and I popped it in my mouth. The best word to describe them is “confusing.” It didn’t taste like a chip. It didn’t taste like a cracker, it was more like a chacker. With a flavor that neither evoked the thought of French fries, nor ketchup. More it evoked a sense of ennui. Not this Ennui which also contains an element of jejune, but more a sense that nothing happens when you eat them. I, of course, ate the whole bag. The product packed an initial wallop of olfactory sensation, but failed to elicit any other emotions whatsoever. It fell far short of the promise to have it my way. I am disappointed in the King. Maybe if he slept at my house tonight we could discuss the issues over Whopper Jr’s and if one thing leads to another, who knows what we will invent together…

Verdict: Dislishous.

9 Responses to “Burger King Ketchup And Fries Potato Snack-FISH VERSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Confusing is fair enough. They are not a chip. It is a potato snack. At least in Canada, we’ve gone through a few iterations of the potato or wheat thin crisp. Something that has slightly less fat, but was not fried, and has some of the flavour, but none of the consistency of the potato chip. They all have limitations I’m afraid. I should add that even though I gave it my highest rating of delicious in my review, I have yet to purchase them again from our vending machines, even though my craving for ketchup chips never wanes. So they must have a drawback somewhere or failed to elicit a dopamine release. I had never thought about Burger King’s promise of having it your way, but my constant interpretation of that promise has been my way is no way.

  • UC if you ever see these potato chips, buy them immediately, you won’t be disappointed!

  • fish, UC has had those and has been disappointed. I think they have bag to bag variability there. Some bags are like an entire can of Old Bay. But other bags are 5 whole cans of Old Bay. I don’t like them yet love them at the same time!

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Fish, amazingly enough in South New Jersey, you can get a special Lays variety of the same thing, and they are much much better than the Utz. The other thing that’s amazing: Take plain potato chips, douse in Old Bay, eat. The other thing that’s amazing: Douse anything in Old Bay. It works extra well on bacon and french fries.

  • Tuna sandwich, popcorn, and hotdogs are my favorites for Old Bay (besides shrimp and bluefin crab of course).

  • fish, that is genius of an unbelievable level. Chicago dogs are massively improved by celery salt, and Old Bay has a massive amount of celery salt in it. Hot dogs with Old Bay is simply total genius. I bow down to your awesomeness.

  • I think it sounds JUST like the King, who is now represented by an immense nightmare-derived fiberglas skinned animatronic demon. These sound JUST like the kind of snack and evil android fast food oligarch would produce.

    Truly excellent review though. It was like I was right there, but you paid.

    Mostly OT However; I stopped for a sub today for lunch. After registering the disappointing lack of available tomatory, I realized as I unlocked my vehicle that I parked directly across from the Dogg Haus. Why didn’t I go there instead?

    I blame John McCain’s Real Doll wife.

  • Yes it is genius. You must bow. Some day I will tell you all the secrets in willy-wag sauce and you will the perfection of god.

  • um that would be witness the perfection of god…

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